2008 Woodie Awards
Pillow Talk:
Polyamory: A build-your-own-love kit
Glory Fink
Issue date: 3/8/07 Section: Opinion
The winds of change are blowing, my darlings. Already our country is preparing for the 2008 Presidential Campaign, China's stock exchange is affecting Wall Street and North Korea has agreed to neuter their nuclear program in exchange for banking privileges and food.
On a more local level, the face of suburbia is changing. More couples than ever are concluding that monogamy doesn't work for them, and they are doing something about it. No, they aren't getting divorced. In fact, mom and dad are getting a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Now, mom, dad and girlfriend/boyfriend are called polyamorous.
Polyamory is a new word to identify a type of romantic relationship older than marriage itself. Polyamory is best described as loving more than one. You may have heard of polygamy, which is a marriage involving one husband and multiple wives. Or even polyandry, a marriage with one wife and multiple husbands. HBO's "Big Love" and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett's open relationship aside, polyamory is not tied to marriage or even restricted to male or female dominated relationships.
Polyamory is not swinging where committed couples simply engage in recreational sex with other committed couples, nor is polyamory cheating. To cheat, someone must break the agreed upon rules of a relationship. In a polyamorous relationship everyone in the relationship not only knows about everyone else but also agrees to everyone's involvement and the rules of the relationship. Completely open and honest communication is the key to a successful relationship no matter if it is polyamorous or monogamous one.
Perhaps the idea of this relationship is not new to you. You may have already fantasized about being in a loving relationship where you weren't forced to choose between two wonderful people and jealousy wasn't the name of the game. Since Victorian times monogamy was held up not only as an ideal but as a moral imperative. The civilized world believed a person only had a limited amount of love to give, and so he or she should give all of that love to one person.
On a more local level, the face of suburbia is changing. More couples than ever are concluding that monogamy doesn't work for them, and they are doing something about it. No, they aren't getting divorced. In fact, mom and dad are getting a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Now, mom, dad and girlfriend/boyfriend are called polyamorous.
Polyamory is a new word to identify a type of romantic relationship older than marriage itself. Polyamory is best described as loving more than one. You may have heard of polygamy, which is a marriage involving one husband and multiple wives. Or even polyandry, a marriage with one wife and multiple husbands. HBO's "Big Love" and Will Smith and Jada Pinkett's open relationship aside, polyamory is not tied to marriage or even restricted to male or female dominated relationships.
Polyamory is not swinging where committed couples simply engage in recreational sex with other committed couples, nor is polyamory cheating. To cheat, someone must break the agreed upon rules of a relationship. In a polyamorous relationship everyone in the relationship not only knows about everyone else but also agrees to everyone's involvement and the rules of the relationship. Completely open and honest communication is the key to a successful relationship no matter if it is polyamorous or monogamous one.
Perhaps the idea of this relationship is not new to you. You may have already fantasized about being in a loving relationship where you weren't forced to choose between two wonderful people and jealousy wasn't the name of the game. Since Victorian times monogamy was held up not only as an ideal but as a moral imperative. The civilized world believed a person only had a limited amount of love to give, and so he or she should give all of that love to one person.
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Viewing Comments 1 - 4 of 4
Polygeezer
Ken HASLAM
posted 3/08/07 @ 7:06 AM EST
Glory, I have been a Polyamory activist for some 8 years and I want to complement you on your article on Polyamory for the Student Prinz. Fair and accurate. (Continued…)
Susan
posted 3/08/07 @ 9:42 PM EST
I'm very glad to know I'm not a freak for wanting to have a relationship with my fiance and my girlfriend that I truely love. It seems sometimes like we're the only three people in the world that understand I love them both equally. (Continued…)
AG friend
posted 3/12/07 @ 1:31 AM EST
Ken Haslam,
If you'd like an "AskGlory.com" T-shirt send her an email with your size and address for her to send it to.
I have to be honest I loved the cereal comment also. (Continued…)
Chris in Knoxville
posted 3/15/07 @ 10:29 AM EST
Great article. The psychology of relationships in this country is growing and adapting just as fast as technology. While it is a shock to many who believe in monogomy, many have begun to wonder, if monogomy is the end-all/be-all why are so many people getting divorced or even worse, why are so many people living out their lives miserable with the person they are with but stuborn in the "love once, married once" mentality. (Continued…)
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